I have seen many things my friends.

But nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the experience I had at the MAC Cosmetics Typography party I was invited to in Yaletown this summer.

The invitation noted it was an exploration of the art of typography as visualized on the human body.  Hmmm...um, ok?  

Not knowing exactly what that meant I hit google.  And clicked on images.  Did a double take, went back to check what exactly I had googled.  Because what I was seeing was naked men and women painted head to toe with words, letters and numbers.  Seems MAC had already held Typography events in Miami and Toronto and there were lots of pictures to show me what to expect.

Was this really what MAC Cosmetics was inviting me to?  What did this have to do with product reviews?  Most importantly, did I have the guts to attend?

Now I am no shrinking violet (in fact, as I type this I hear those of you who know me well howling with laughter at the thought of anything embarrassing or shocking me), but the idea of walking around a party by myself looking at painted naked models, well, even I am not that brave.

So I did what any hesitant but intrigued Stimulista would do and sent a text message to a good friend and photographer asking her if she wanted to come with.  I believe the text was something like “want to come see naked painted people at a party with me downtown?”.  Her reply “sounds like fun” made me rest at ease knowing at least one of us was grown up enough to handle the experience.

The week leading up to the event was marked with only one question, what does one wear to such an event?  Honestly, I was stumped.  Not wanting to stand out I took to Facebook to ask my friends what they suggested.  My favourite answer -  “it doesn’t matter what you wear, with a room full of naked models, no one will be looking at you”.  True enough.  Black pencil skirt, white blouse, chunky red belt and matching red clutch and I was good to go.  I knew I needed the highest heels I could handle, being vertically challenged, I really didn’t want to be at the wrong height and come face to face with the wrong area of the painted models.  Awkward...stilettos it would be.

On the night of the party my girlfriend and I headed into Vancouver and grabbed an early dinner at the Hamilton Street Grill.  And so, our night began.

One lovely meal later we had dubbed our adventure the “Painted Junk Tour”.  Filled with newfound bravado (aka some drink with a lot of alcohol in it) we headed over to the Roundhouse in Yaletown where the show was being held.

This was it.  The big moment.    

A non-descript door with a gaggle of MAC employees and a clip board welcomed us, and we were checked off the guest list and ushered inside.  Deep breath, in we went.

Well...hello!!!!

The room was dark with a rave like atmosphere, a DJ played techno music in one corner and the floors simply bounced along with the bass.  Fabulous people filled every nook and cranny.  As a people watcher I was in my element.  Never had I seen such an eclectic mix of people in one room in my life.  Immediately a male model walked over and offered us a glass of wine.  Another came over with canapes.  A girl could get used to this kind of treatment.

And then the “Painted Junk” came into view.

Wow.

You simply had to marvel at the work the makeup artists had done.  Two female models rotated on a platform, one in yellow with black words and one black with yellow words, one symbolizing current words and the other symbolizing words that are now considered out of date.  These particular models took a team of 8 make-up artists over 7 hours to create.

Another model stood in a box that was lit with black lights, his body was black except for neon pink words on him that glowed in the black light.

A male and female model were painted to blend in with a background of numbers.  A female model was lying on her side on a table, and painted to say “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new”.

A pair of male models had been painted like a sunset, head to toe in brilliant oranges, reds and yellows, and then on top someone had painstakingly glued googly eyes, yes, googly eyes, on them to spell out “Imagine me and you together, I do”.

One male model stood alone, he was painted white with black letters all over his body.  He looked like a piece of paper that someone had used in a typewriter (yes, remember those old things?).  We referred to him as “Mr Typography”.  You only need to check out our photos to understand why.  *fans self*

The last model was a man painted all in black, and he had letters from prominent brands placed on his body.  It took you a moment to realize all his letters were associated with a brand, but let me tell you, I may never look at the letter “i” from Chapters/Indigo the same way again.

The painting was fascinating, but just when you found yourself admiring the artistry, one of the models would move or speak, and you would be brought back to the realization this person was standing naked in all their glory right there in front of you.  Bless their hearts, how they did it, I will never know.

They posed for photos with the guests like you would expect to pose next to your Great Aunt Matilda.  It was fascinating.  Not wanting to be left out I shyly asked if I could have a photo with one of the models.  It was one of those moments where you aren’t really sure if you want to do it, but you know you will regret it if you didn’t participate.  So I did.  And now I have one of the strangest photos of myself I will ever have.  Not exactly one for the Facebook profile but fun all the same.

After about an hour my girlfriend and I decided we had looked at the “painted junk” for about as long as we could, and decided to call it a night.  For my part, my feet were screaming from the heels, and I’ll own it, my Spanx were becoming more and more uncomfortable as the night progressed.  I wanted my yoga pants and beaten up old UBC tee.  One can only hang with the fabulous people for so long before one recalls she is actually a mom to two who lives in the suburbs and has to work the next morning.  What can I say, I’m not 21 anymore.  Sigh.

Anyhow, thank you MAC Cosmetics for one of those experiences I can tell my completely flabbergasted grandchildren about when I am old and gray.

And thanks to my confident girlfriend Kristine, who is one of the only people I know confident enough to walk both of us into a room of naked gorgeous people like it was something we do everyday.  

Since this column is really about beauty products, I will leave you with a couple of can’t miss items from MAC.

Mineralize SPF 15 foundation is awesome, it is a cream that dries to a powder, gives lovely buildable coverage and blends like a dream.  If you are a fan of mineral makeup, but find the powders emphasize those pesky fine lines or dry patches, this is perfect for you.

Do you like MAC Lip Glass but hate the sticky factor?  The the new Cremesheen Glass is for you.  It gives the same high gloss shine as MAC’s famous Lip Glasses, but it is soft like a cream, no sticky to be found.  

The last recommendation I have for you today is the new Mineralize Eye Shadows.  Pretty colours swirl together to form one of a kind shades that vary from product to product, and truly, from use to use.  Depending on where I rub my brush, the same pot of shadow can give me about 4 different shades.  It’s a great fun new product and upholds the same typical MAC quality we have all come to know and love.

Until next time Beauty Junkies, keep on playing, and remember, makeup is meant to be fun.  Break a few rules, try something new, be brave, and maybe you will end up with a crazy photo to show your grandchildren as well.

by Carissa Halley
Contributor